Q:While I don’t know how to say this without sounding really overbearing, I’m having a hard time with the fact that one of my bridesmaids is pregnant. It’s not that I’m upset that she’s pregnant; I am just sad that I don’t think she’ll be up for spending time with me those days leading up to it or that evening.
Plus, if I’m honest, I am sad about being reminded of the distance between us physically and our lives looking so different. I’ve been emotionally ready to start a family for years, and my fiancé is only warming up to it now, so there’s that element of wistful envy too. How should I deal with this?
A: We’re kicking this one to the community in a second, but before we do, I just wanted to take an opportunity to tell you to be kind to yourself. It sounds like the real issue here isn’t that you are having a hard time with your friend’s pregnancy. It’s that you’re punishing yourself for having those feelings. So let the punishment go! It’s hard when your life is in a different place than your friends’ lives. It’s hard when you suddenly come face to face with the fact that your friendships aren’t the same as they were five or ten years ago. Those are all normal feelings, and it’s just as normal to have those feelings coincide with the joy of your weddings. (Because weddings, sadly, do not exist in a vacuum. In fact, these kinds of reckonings often go hand in hand with wedding planning.)
Also, for what it’s worth, I was at my party-heartiest when I was pregnant. I shut a friend’s wedding down and had to be dragged off the dance floor by my husband, during the very worst puke-every-day part of my pregnancy. So who knows, maybe your friend will surprise you there. But even if she doesn’t, girl, let yourself feel your feelings.
what say the rest of you? How should she deal with this?
If you want the APW community’s two cents, send it to QUESTIONS AT APRACTICALWEDDING DOT COM, and we’ll do our best to crowd source you some answers!