One of the more frustrating realities of wedding planning is that your family doesn’t stop being who they are just because you’re planning a wedding. Your overbearing mom is still going to be your overbearing mom (aka chances are she is going to have opinions about what you’re wearing to the wedding). Your flaky brother is still going to be your flaky brother, so expect his toast to be written at the last minute. And on the flip side, the delightful folks should mostly remain delightful, and provide a refuge from the crazy when you need it.

But there’s another kind of family drama that we don’t talk about often enough here: the kind that has nothing to do with you, but still impacts your wedding anyway. I’m talking about when your divorced parents suddenly realize they have to see each other for the first time in ten years, and they act like it’s never occurred to them that they might have to be in the same room while their kids get married. (Translation: They’re handling it like angsty high school students, and wanting you to play parent.) Or that long-buried family trauma becoming unburied, four days before your wedding and people threatening to not come unless someone else gets uninvited, because REALLY WHY NOT. Or your sibling’s personal issues finally coming to the forefront of family conversations, even though everyone ignored the elephant in the room for years, but SURE let’s decide to talk about nothing else on wedding week.

Does this all sound a little angry? Maybe it’s because my own wedding was plagued by a particularly painful family feud, and nine years later it still raises my blood pressure… because… IS IT REALLY SO HARD TO BEHAVE FOR A FEW MONTHS? That’s the “Surprise!” type of family drama, where you have no idea that resentment has been festering so long, and then a decision over the guest list suddenly makes everything Very Serious And Kind Of Shouty And Not Really Speaking To Each Other Anymore. And what could I even do about it? Technically it wasn’t my problem, even if it was, you know, suddenly MY PROBLEM.

So today I’m opening up this thread mostly for a good vent, in case you need one. Is someone else’s family (or friend) drama making your wedding planning hell? Is some fully grown adult in your life making you step in to act as a parent or referee, when all you want to do is get your final dress fitting? For those of you who are just hitched, did someone stand up at your wedding and give a toast that was a really not-so-veiled dig at another member of the family? Or announce that something that happened sixty years ago required you changing your guest list and seating chart five days before go time? Or just get drunk and act like ridiculous teenagers during the reception? Now is the time to let it all out.

Here, let me pass you this flask.

Is other people’s family drama making your life a living hell right now? Vent below. We got you.

Image CreditMichael Simon Photography

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