Let’s rewind to the moment I wrote my wedding vows, or as I like to call it, “Two in the morning, the day before I got married.” I had just gotten into a huge fight with my mom over something stupid like earrings that wasn’t really about earrings at all. (Weddings, man, they make you do crazy things.) I was exhausted, emotionally wrecked, and in no place to write the most important promise I might ever make to someone. But, since I had procrastinated on the task, there I sat, holed up in my little brother’s bedroom, crying into football sheets and racking my brain for inspiration. Chalk it up to the tears (or midnight inspiration), but the marriage vows I wrote brought down the house and made more than a few grown men cry. I remember being more proud of that than any other part of the wedding. Forget the good food, the venue, the dress. If we’d made people understand why they were there in the first place, then I felt like we did our job well.

If I pulled together a holistic sum of all of the weddings I’ve ever attended, I would say unequivocally that the wedding vows are what set the stage for the whole damn thing. It’s what makes us understand why we’re all there and what the couple is committing to. So because of that, we wanted to compile our best tips on how to write your wedding vows and give a comprehensive list of real marriage vows (including vows from world religions) to get your own creativity flowing.

You might want to write your own wedding vows. But you might not. Maybe you’re looking for time-tested traditional marriage vows that echo what generations before you have said. Or maybe you’re looking to tweak traditional vows just a little bit to make them feel like yours. Whatever you’re looking for, chances are we’ve got wedding vows and tips in our list that will help you craft the promises you want to make on that day.

Because you know what makes a wedding go from good to the best party I ever went to? It’s when I leave an emotionally charged ceremony abuzz with love and commitment. Because at that point, all I want to do is celebrate how awesome and in love you are. Possibly with tequila. Definitely with cake.

HOW to write wedding vows

This might feel obvious at first, but just because you might have known that you’ve wanted to write wedding vows for years and years, your partner might not. Talk to them! Decide together that you definitely want to write them. There is nothing wrong with saying traditional marriage vows. But if you’re going to DIY this, both of you have to be equally committed to this concept. If not, it’s going to show in your vows.

Once you’ve decidedm that you want to write your vows, this is how you get started (with plenty of stealing from our collected sample vows, below).

1. Talk to your officiant. This is an important first step that’s easily forgotten. Many houses of worship may require you say all or part of the traditional marriage vows of that religious practice. Sometimes this won’t preclude also saying vows that you wrote (though full disclosure, sometimes it will), but you’ll want to know what the rules are—and what the religious reasoning for them is—up front. Some officiants may ask to review your vows before the ceremony, so be prepared to have them early if this is the case.
2. Come up with a structure. Will you write wedding vows together, or separately? Will you show them to each other beforehand, or will you keep them a secret until the ceremony? Do you want to set a due date for when you need to have your vows written? (Hey, you might laugh, but tell me you don’t know someone who wrote their vows the day of night before the wedding.) If you’ve decided that you will not see each other’s marriage vows before the ceremony, it’s not a bad idea to make sure both of you are going to be vowing somewhat similar things. You don’t want to be promising to care for someone on their deathbed, while they’re promising to always DVR Grey’s Anatomy for you. Having a structure will also help you keep your word limit and help your vows match your partner’s. Finding a structure that works for you may require some tracking down, but don’t be afraid to mix and match from lots of examples you find.

Sample structure: [Name] I take you to be my [husband/wife/partner]. I will love you unconditionally and without hesitation, for it is your heart that moves me, your spirit that inspires me, your humor that delights me, and your hand I want to hold for all of our days.
I promise           .
I promise           .
I will           .
I will           .
I promise to love, respect, and trust you, and give you the best of myself, for I know that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone.

3. Research types of wedding vows. A good place to start when you want to write wedding vows is reading traditional ones—from your own religion, if you practice a certain faith, but from others as well, along with secular wedding vows. We’ve pulled quite a selection below, to get you started. See what strikes a chord with you. You can even incorporate these into what you write, or use them as a jumping-off point. Secondly, steal ideas! Borrow freely from poetry, books, and even movies or video games. Jot down words and phrases that capture your feelings. The quotes you keep closest to your heart ring true for a reason. Use them. And if you’re someone who keeps a journal, go back and steal from your past self too. You’re not publishing a book or writing a college essay. Plagiarism is both allowed and encouraged. Truth is, most vows are plagiarism, since we’re hoping to steal some wisdom from people that have gone before us, both in vows and in marriage.
4. Think about your relationship. Take some time, both separately and together, to think about what you love about each other and what makes your relationship special. Write down the most memorable moments you have shared together, good or bad. Think about the promises you want to make to your partner, and which ones you don’t. For example,  I promised that Michael would always be my family. However, I wasn’t promising to obey anybody, so I made sure to keep that kind of language far away from my vows.
5. Edit for tone, and then shorten. It’s best to decide on your overall tone before you put pen to paper, but make sure to go back over your words and refine towards the tone you want to achieve. Poetic and romantic? Humorous but touching? It’s up to you.
   • The most important thing is that your marriage vows ring true and sound like they’re from your heart. However, while your vows can be lighthearted, they should, in some way, acknowledge the seriousness of the commitment you’re about to make. Use humor in moderation, and remember, at the end of the day, making the audience laugh is not your goal.
   • Your vows shouldn’t be so personal that they can’t be followed by anyone, so don’t make them overly cryptic or embarrassing. You’ve invited your family and friends to witness your vows in order to make your bond public, so think about your words from their point of view—your guests want to feel included in that moment, even if they’re not feeling exactly what you’re feeling. That means putting a soft limit on inside jokes, deeply personal anecdotes, obscure nicknames, or code words. Moderation is key. Unless it’s just the two of you eloping, in which case, go crazy.
   • Aim to have your vows last for about one minute or less per person. Believe me, it’s longer than it sounds. Get at the heart of what marrying this person means to you; pick the most important promises and make them well. If you have more to say, save the more personal thoughts and give your spouse a letter on the morning of the ceremony.
6. PRACTICE. Memorization is optional, practicing is not. Practice looking up while you read your wedding vows, so you can actually look at your partner as you say the words. It’s common to mumble or speak softly when reading, so practice your vows to make sure your family and friends will hear you. These are words that are meant to be heard by the assembled crowd, so check how they sound when spoken. Read your wedding vows out loud to make sure they flow easily, and watch out for tongue twisters and run-on sentences—both easy mistakes to make when you write marriage vows.
7. Then do what you want. At the end of the day, they’re your words. Do what you want. Seriously. Your vows don’t even have to sound or read like vows; you could write an essay, a sonnet, or rap them if that’s what is going to mean the most to you. Vows should sound like you, especially when you’re making promises to your partner. On this day of all days, you shouldn’t sound like someone else, so write wedding vows that matter to you and feel authentic.

THE BEST SAMPLE WEDDING VOWS TO STEAL (OR BE INSPIRED BY)

Now that you know how to write your wedding vows, we’ve rounded up some of our favorite vows from APW couples, along with marriage vows from religions across the world, to get you started. Here’s to hoping they inspire you to create meaningful marriage vows for yourselves, and not at 2:00 a.m. Let’s look at some of the best real wedding vows we’ve come across, plus a selection of beautiful traditional vows from world religions.

Romantic Real Wedding Vows

Alex, you are my best friend. I promise to laugh with you, cry with you, and grow with you. I will love you when we are together and when we are apart. I promise to support your dreams and to respect our differences, and to love you and be by your side through all the days and nights of our lives.

* * * * *

I, Alex, choose you Sam to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what things I will discover. I will respect you as a person, a partner, and an equal. There is little to say that you haven’t already heard, and little to give that is not already freely given. Before you asked me, I was yours and I am devoted to you in every way. I marry you with no hesitation or doubt, and my commitment to you is absolute. Do you take me to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife/partner?

* * * * *

I choose you. To stand by your side and sleep in your arms. To be joy to your heart and food for your soul. To learn with you and grow with you, even as time and life change us both. I promise to laugh with you in good times and struggle alongside you in bad times. I promise to respect you and cherish you as an individual, a partner, and an equal, knowing that we do not complete, but complement each other. May we have many adventures and grow old together.

* * * * *

I, Alex, do pledge you, Sam, my love, for as long as I live. What I possess in this world, I give to you. I will keep you and hold you, comfort and tend you, protect you and shelter you, for all the days of my life.

Personal Wedding Vows

I love you unconditionally and without hesitation. I vow to love you, encourage you, trust you, and respect you. As a family, we will create a home filled with learning, laughter, and compassion. I promise to work with you to foster and cherish a relationship of equality knowing that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone. Today, I choose you to be my husband/wife/partner. I accept you as you are, and I offer myself in return. I will care for you, stand beside you, and share with you all of life’s adversities and all of its joys from this day forward, and all the days of my life.

* * * * *

Today, I promise you this: I will laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals. I will listen to you with compassion and understanding, and speak to you with encouragement. Together, let us build a home filled with learning, laughter, and light, shared freely with all who may live there. Let us be partners, friends, and lovers, today and all of the days that follow.

* * * * *

I, Alex, take you, Sam, to be my husband/wife/partner. I promise to always be your biggest fan and your partner in crime. I promise to create and support a family with you, in a household filled with laughter, patience, understanding, and love. I vow not just to grow old together, but to grow together. I will love you faithfully through the difficult and the easy. What may come, I will always be there, each one believing that love never dies. As I have given you my hand to hold, so I give you my life to keep.

Modern Real MArriage Vows

I take you as you are, loving who you are now and who you are yet to become. I promise to listen to you and learn from you, to support you and accept your support. I will celebrate your triumphs and mourn your losses as though they were my own. I will love you and have faith in your love for me, through all our years and all that life may bring us.

* * * * *

Officiant: Do you, Sam, promise to be a loving friend and partner in marriage, to talk and to listen, to trust and to appreciate, to respect and to cherish Alex’s uniqueness? Do you promise to support, comfort, and strengthen him/her/them through life’s joys and sorrows? Do you promise to share hopes and dreams as you build your lives together, and to grow with Alex in mind? Will you strive to build a home that is compassionate to all, full of respect and honor, filled with peace, happiness, and love? Do you promise to always be open and honest with Alex, and cherish him/her/them for as long as you both shall live?

* * * * *

I, Sam, take you, Alex, to be the wife/husband/partner of my days, the companion of my house, the friend of my life. We shall bear together whatever trouble and sorrow life may lay upon us, and we shall share together whatever good and joyful things life may bring us. With these words, and all the words of my heart, I marry you and bind my life to yours.

* * * * *

Today, surrounded by people who love us, I choose you, Alex, to be my partner. I am proud to be your wife/husband/partner and to join my life with yours. I vow to support you, push you, inspire you, and, above all, love you, for better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, as long as we both shall live.

* * * * *

I take you to be my spouse. I promise to choose you every day, to love you in word and deed, to do the hard work of making now into always. To laugh with you, cry with you, grow with you, and create with you. To honor the divinity in you, of you, and around you. To be your kin and your partner in all of life’s adventures. Loving what I know of you and trusting what I don’t yet know, I give you my hand. I give you my love. I give you myself. Will you give me yourself? Will you come travel with me?

More-traditional Marriage Vows

I, Sam, commit myself to you, Alex, as wife/husband/partner, to learn and grow with, to explore and adventure with, to respect you in everything as an equal partner, in the foreknowledge of joy and pain, strength and weariness, direction and doubt, for all the risings and settings of the sun. We tie these knots to symbolize our connection to one another. They represent our trust in each other and our combined strength together.

* * * * *

Today, surrounded by people who love us, I choose you, Alex, to be my partner. I am proud to be your wife/husband/partner and to join my life with yours. I vow to support you, push you, inspire you, and above all love you, for better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, as long as we both shall live

* * * * *

OFFICIANT: Do you, Sam and Alex, pledge to create a life of mutual respect, compassion, generosity, and patience toward each other as you grow together in years?
COUPLE: We do.
OFFICIANT: Do you pledge to recognize each other’s individuality and celebrate each other’s uniqueness as a strength in marriage? While at the same time, will you guard one another’s weaknesses with understanding, support, and inspiration?
COUPLE: We do.
OFFICIANT: And do you pledge to share the love you have for each other with all living beings? To be a couple that lets their marriage radiate into others, making their lives more beautiful because of it?
COUPLE: We do.
OFFICIANT: Sam and Alex, if you will face each other and repeat after me.
Sam: Alex, I give you my life. With all that I am and all that I have, I honor you.
Alex: Sam, I give you my life. With all that I am and all that I have, I honor you.

* * * * *

I, Sam, take you, Alex, to be the wife/husband/partner of my days, the companion of my house, the friend of my life. We shall bear together whatever trouble and sorrow life may lay upon us, and we shall share together whatever good and joyful things life may bring us. With these words, and all the words of my heart, I marry you and bind my life to yours.

* * * * *

You have taught me that two people joined together with respect, trust, and open communication can be far stronger
and happier than each could ever be alone. You are the strength I didn’t know I needed, and the joy that I didn’t know I lacked. Today, I choose to spend the rest of my life with you.

I promise to love you for who you are, and for who you are yet to become. I promise to be patient, and to remember that all things between us are rooted in love. I promise to nurture your dreams and to help you reach them. I promise to share my whole heart with you, and to remember to show you how deeply I care for you, no matter the challenges that may come our way. I promise to love you loyally and fiercely—as long as I shall live.

Do you take me to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife/partner?

* * * * *

I, Alex, do pledge you, Sam, my love, for as long as I live. What I possess in this world, I give to you. I will keep you and hold you, comfort and tend you, protect you and shelter you, for all the days of my life.

traditional Marriage vows From World ReligionS
United Methodist Church

In the Name of God,
I, Sam, take you, Alex, to be my [wife/husband],
to have and to hold
from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.

From The Book of Common Prayer

I, Sam, take thee, Alex, to be my wedded [Wife/Husband], to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
With this Ring I thee wed: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

Episcopal

In the Name of God, I, Sam, take you, Alex, to be my wife/husband/partner,
to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse,
for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love
and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

Roman Catholic

I, Sam, take you, Alex, to be my [wife/husband],
I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.
I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
Alex, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Unitarian

I, Sam, take you, Alex, to be the wife/husband/partner of my days,
to be the parent of my children, to be the companion of my house.
We will keep together what measure of trouble and sorrow our lives may lay upon us,
and we will share together our store of goodness and plenty and love.

The Protestant Wedding Sourcebook

In the presence of God and before our family and friends,
I, Sam, take you, Alex, to be my [wife/husband].
All that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you.
Whatever the future holds, I will love you and stand by you, as long as we both shall live.
This is my solemn vow.

Church of England

I Sam, take you Alex, to be my [wife/husband],
to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death..